Well. Here we are again. I know I haven't written in some time, but I find myself alone in my room on a Saturday night needing to express myself. Since all my friends are guys, and they are currently at the club right now, I somehow found this the appropriate place to express what I have to say for the time being.
All I can say is that a lot has happened in my life in the last six months. Things I never thought would happen to me have. I'm not at liberty (or willing to for that matter) to discuss them on here, but I can say that it has definitely taken me by surprise. Things have happened that I always said I never would let happen, yet somehow it did. Things I use to judge other people for. By no means do I regret anything I have done, because not until very recently did I learn that regretting your past will not change anything you have done. In fact, regretting decisions you have made only makes you relive them. Then it can throw you into a state of depression, and all you want is to be alone. The only way to grow is to take those decisions you made and learn from them.
I can say there are days when I am absolutely fine and I feel like I have the world on the string. However, there are also days where I feel like the world is moving on without me, while I am left behind in the dust. These days are the ones where I feel like my heart is breaking into pieces. Sometimes I have reason to feel this way, but more often than not I don't. Somedays life is just so difficult, and all the only energy I have is to turn over and go right back to sleep under the covers. I know that one day, all the pieces will fit together; both in life and in my heart.
So often I worry about the future and what it holds for me. I worry about where I'm going to live, the job I'm going to have, the car I'm going to drive, whether or not I will make enough money to support myself, and I worry about the one I will give my whole heart to. I worry about is there someone out there who can truly love me? Am I good enough for someone to want me? Am I pretty enough? More recently I have been worrying about will they accept me for me? I worry about graduation, and what takes place after graduation. I worry about when my friends leave for the summer. I worry about finding a roommate. I have so many worries in life and I know God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I'm not worthy, nor do I deserve what He has in store for me. He loves me when I am unlovable. This concept is so hard to comprehend, because at the moment I do not feel worthy at all.
For now that is all, although I'm sure I will be back with something more. Who knows, maybe it won't take me 6 months next time. So for now...Goodnight and Goodluck.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday, September 2, 2011
Things They Don't Write In the Rule Book
Things they don't write in the rule book.
The hardest rule I have found so far is to not fall for a guy that lives in another state... and is leaving for a year. The good part, he's coming back.... and accepted a full time job. The sad part... it's approximately two hundred and eighty days away...
I should probably tell you about him. He's from the south. (Of course, no men better than the southern ones.) And he's a cajun... yup. He drove back to the great state of Louisiana today. I can definitely say, that state is giving all the other ones a run for their money in growing men. This man is fiiiiiine.
Needless to say, I have been thinking about him a lot today. Not wanting him to leave and all... and have been crying for the past hour... Yes, I know. I am a bit retarded.
Regardless of shoulds and should nots, I did. I started to fall for his crooked smile that held straight teeth, and his southern boy charm... and his wonderful personality. Knowing that he would be going back to Louisiana. Yes, I did it anyways. And I miss him. That is all there is to it.
No one told me life would be this hard. And when it was hard before, someone was always there to help me and say everything would be ok. When life was hard before, Grandma would take me in her arms and tell me everything would be ok.
I keep reminding myself that God is in control and He will see me through it all. He will take me into His arms and hold me tight when I need it most. The Cajun will be back. May is coming soon, I will graduate get an apartment, and the Cajun will be on his way back to Tulsa...to stay.
However, until May, I have decided to go on what I like to call "a man fast". No men in my life romantically until he comes back. If it was meant to be, he will return and we will pick up where we left. I need time for school, work, homework, myself and most importantly... time for God. I think this is a good choice at this time in life, but I look forward to the day in May when I see my red headed Cajun pull up....
When he does, I can almost promise I will run to him and give him one of the biggest hugs ever. One of those scenes in movies that happen at the ending. Yes, that will be me and him, and it will be a scene no movie could ever recreate.
Saying goodbye was tough, and though it should be written in the rule book somewhere, it's the tough things in life that make us stronger. With God in control, everything will be ok.
The hardest rule I have found so far is to not fall for a guy that lives in another state... and is leaving for a year. The good part, he's coming back.... and accepted a full time job. The sad part... it's approximately two hundred and eighty days away...
I should probably tell you about him. He's from the south. (Of course, no men better than the southern ones.) And he's a cajun... yup. He drove back to the great state of Louisiana today. I can definitely say, that state is giving all the other ones a run for their money in growing men. This man is fiiiiiine.
Needless to say, I have been thinking about him a lot today. Not wanting him to leave and all... and have been crying for the past hour... Yes, I know. I am a bit retarded.
Regardless of shoulds and should nots, I did. I started to fall for his crooked smile that held straight teeth, and his southern boy charm... and his wonderful personality. Knowing that he would be going back to Louisiana. Yes, I did it anyways. And I miss him. That is all there is to it.
No one told me life would be this hard. And when it was hard before, someone was always there to help me and say everything would be ok. When life was hard before, Grandma would take me in her arms and tell me everything would be ok.
I keep reminding myself that God is in control and He will see me through it all. He will take me into His arms and hold me tight when I need it most. The Cajun will be back. May is coming soon, I will graduate get an apartment, and the Cajun will be on his way back to Tulsa...to stay.
However, until May, I have decided to go on what I like to call "a man fast". No men in my life romantically until he comes back. If it was meant to be, he will return and we will pick up where we left. I need time for school, work, homework, myself and most importantly... time for God. I think this is a good choice at this time in life, but I look forward to the day in May when I see my red headed Cajun pull up....
When he does, I can almost promise I will run to him and give him one of the biggest hugs ever. One of those scenes in movies that happen at the ending. Yes, that will be me and him, and it will be a scene no movie could ever recreate.
Saying goodbye was tough, and though it should be written in the rule book somewhere, it's the tough things in life that make us stronger. With God in control, everything will be ok.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Summer Vacation
Well, as of 3:30 this afternoon I am now on summer vacation; life is good! While life may be good, it is still very busy! Just because school, and tests have stopped, doesn't mean the rest of the world has - although I could settle for a slow down.
Tomorrow I have an interview at a really nice retail store called White House, Black Market, and am looking forward to it. It is my first real job interview, and I think it will be a great experience. After that, I have a meeting with my strategic management group for my summer strat class. We are meeting with a graduate professor who basically teaches how to resesarch in her class. She is going to show us all the methods needed to properly research for our paper/presentation in about 30 minutes.
In between all that, is finishing my packing and cleaning. I've gotten a lot done, but so much left to do. It's amazing how much a person can acquire in such a sort time in one place. Definitely doing some downsizing, and prioritizing in the next 2 days.
Well, that's about all. I better get to bed.
So until next time,
From my heart to yours.
-Aubrey
Tomorrow I have an interview at a really nice retail store called White House, Black Market, and am looking forward to it. It is my first real job interview, and I think it will be a great experience. After that, I have a meeting with my strategic management group for my summer strat class. We are meeting with a graduate professor who basically teaches how to resesarch in her class. She is going to show us all the methods needed to properly research for our paper/presentation in about 30 minutes.
In between all that, is finishing my packing and cleaning. I've gotten a lot done, but so much left to do. It's amazing how much a person can acquire in such a sort time in one place. Definitely doing some downsizing, and prioritizing in the next 2 days.
Well, that's about all. I better get to bed.
So until next time,
From my heart to yours.
-Aubrey
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Finals Time
Hello again! I know it's been a rather long time since I have posted, and I have even forgotten my other blog, but sometimes in life it is appropriate to start over, and have a fresh outlook on things. So thank you for joining me once again on life's unending journey.
Since I have last written lots has happened, and determining my major for the final time is one of them. I am now a proud finance/accounting major, and I am loving every minute of it. That being said, this is finals week, and at the beginning of it I had 6 finals standing between summer vacation and I. After acing the first test, I now only have 5. My biggest final I am worried about is in Intermediate Accounting II. It is on Tuesday, and I have just finished typing up my 16 page study guide to study tomorrow. That isn't including working out problems either!! What a busy day tomorrow will be. I am ready for Wednesday, as it brings my last final and a close to my junior year. Of course with finals week also comes stress and lots of eating/snacking. I am ready for this week to be over also so I can get back to eating healthy and exercising daily.
I must say, I have rather enjoyed this year at school. I have not only found a major that suits me, I am finding myself in the midst of everything. I believe after some of the classes I have taken, and re-examining my life I now have a closer relationship with God. I have also enjoyed my roommate this year; she has become like a sister to me and I will miss her greatly over the summer. I have made many new friends, ones I believe will last a lifetime. I will miss them greatly while they are away for the summer (though some will be back after a month).
This week also brings another exciting event! I get to move in with my aunt, uncle and 2 little cousins! I haven't got to spend much time with them lately, and am looking forward to this opportunity!
It is raining cats and dogs outside as we speak and has been doing so all day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the rain, but it is definitely not the type of weather that motivates me to study. It is, however, the type of weather that contributed to my two hour nap today after church when I was suppose to be studying. Oh well, a student can't process anything if their mind isn't well rested, right?
Well, it is getting late, and I must get up at a rather early (for a college student) hour in order to keep studying. I hope to write more frequently with this new beginning. I hope you have enjoyed our time together, but until next time.
From my heart to yours,
Aubrey
Since I have last written lots has happened, and determining my major for the final time is one of them. I am now a proud finance/accounting major, and I am loving every minute of it. That being said, this is finals week, and at the beginning of it I had 6 finals standing between summer vacation and I. After acing the first test, I now only have 5. My biggest final I am worried about is in Intermediate Accounting II. It is on Tuesday, and I have just finished typing up my 16 page study guide to study tomorrow. That isn't including working out problems either!! What a busy day tomorrow will be. I am ready for Wednesday, as it brings my last final and a close to my junior year. Of course with finals week also comes stress and lots of eating/snacking. I am ready for this week to be over also so I can get back to eating healthy and exercising daily.
I must say, I have rather enjoyed this year at school. I have not only found a major that suits me, I am finding myself in the midst of everything. I believe after some of the classes I have taken, and re-examining my life I now have a closer relationship with God. I have also enjoyed my roommate this year; she has become like a sister to me and I will miss her greatly over the summer. I have made many new friends, ones I believe will last a lifetime. I will miss them greatly while they are away for the summer (though some will be back after a month).
This week also brings another exciting event! I get to move in with my aunt, uncle and 2 little cousins! I haven't got to spend much time with them lately, and am looking forward to this opportunity!
It is raining cats and dogs outside as we speak and has been doing so all day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the rain, but it is definitely not the type of weather that motivates me to study. It is, however, the type of weather that contributed to my two hour nap today after church when I was suppose to be studying. Oh well, a student can't process anything if their mind isn't well rested, right?
Well, it is getting late, and I must get up at a rather early (for a college student) hour in order to keep studying. I hope to write more frequently with this new beginning. I hope you have enjoyed our time together, but until next time.
From my heart to yours,
Aubrey
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